And He Never Knew
by howsentimental
Summary: What happens when attraction goes too far?


I'm a flirt. I admit it, I always have been.

And so has he.

Perhaps that's why we clash. We're just too alike. You'd probably think that was a good thing, but it's not. There's having a lot in common, and then there's having too much in common. It's like a magnet really. If you rub two identical poles together they're bound to repel. Well, except in certain circumstances...

They all say I love Tugger, and they're right. I do love him, but I can never be with him. It's the old magnet rule again. He runs around too much, same as me. It would never work out. It's the blunt fact that I flirt that got me into this mess in the first place.

He's sitting on the tyre right now. Tugger, I mean. With all the tribe's kittens dropping like flies to his feet. Etcetera, she'd give her right paw to be in my position I'm sure. My attention's not on her though. It's on the little orange and black queen curled up next to her. The one Jenny named Electra.

The one I gave birth to.

That's right. She's mine.

Her father is still around. In fact he sees her on a daily basis, along with all the other kittens. He has no idea, and I doubt he'd believe me if I told him. I can't. Ever. It wouldn't be fair to anybody involved. Who knows? Maybe I'm just scared.

We were both stupid, and let built up lust get the better of us. Oh how I'd love to blame it all on him, but I can't, because deep down, I wanted it too. Then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and the weight began to pile on...

I was terrified. He couldn't find out. He could never, ever find out. I had to do something, I had to get rid of it, I had to-

To be honest Demeter was the only link between me and sanity at that point. It was strange to see her overtake my role as her protector. She was fuming when she found out that he was the father. I'd never seen her so mad. She knew we teased each other, and had a level of physical attraction but nothing could have prepared her for this. She was so disappointed.

_So_ disappointed.

You know, I know this must sound odd coming from me, but I'm really quite jealous of Demi. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death and treasure her like a sister. Her happiness means the world to me.

But that's the exact thing I'm so jealous of.

She's settled. She has a mate who'd gladly die for her if he had to. Yes, I'm always getting attention, and yes I bathe in every drop of it. But it isn't love. It doesn't give you that tingle in the morning when you look at the mirror image of your soul. It just gives you guilt, a reputation_...unwanted kittens..._

I can't commit to anyone. I can't give anybody the whole Bombalurina. I'm too selfish.

Electra was born on a windy November night in a small flat just off the corner of Drury Lane. Demi had spun the tribe a line, my humans had taken me away on their holidays and I'd be back in time for Christmas. She hated lying to them, but she did it for me anyway. She'd come and visit me every night. We'd have a laugh, have a cry, and we'd sit there and happened to my life. As I got bigger, it slowly dawned on me that I couldn't hide it forever. I couldn't just walk back into the yard with a new kitten and expect them to not ask questions.

So in came The Gumbie Cat. Jenny was expecting herself. She was my only hope of getting my life back.

That sounded _awful _didn't it?

Well, like I said, I'm selfish.

At first I was so sure she'd say no, especially when she found out...

She had a right to know. I couldn't expect her to take a kitten off my paws without knowing who it belonged to. If she was going to raise this child, it would be Skimble's child too; he had to be in on the matter. By this point I was getting worried that my secret would get out, but Demi assured me it wouldn't go any further than the four of us. I had to trust her.

Electra made her debut into the world, on none other than bonfire night. Jenny's chosen name suddenly seemed very appropriate. As soon as she had cleaned her up I had to see if...if she...

She looked nothing like him.

Thank the Everlasting Cat. She looked _nothing _like him.

Demi tried to get me to bond with her. To hold her close or give her a bath, but I refused. I was her mother only in blood, just like he was her father, with nothing but a little black and white fur to show for it. Demeter expected me to cry. I'd catch a glimpses of her, her eyes darting from me, to Electra, to Jenny, then back to me. She just couldn't believe that I was actually giving her up of my own free will, that I felt no emotional tie. In fact, the only feeling I could sum up at that point was relief. I was free again.

I swear she hated me at that moment.

I'm _so_ selfish.

So that's it really. She goes to sleep at night in the comfort she has two parents that love her more than anything. She has a perfectly normal life. I have a normal life. And he's none the wiser.

She looks at me and sees the tribe flirt. The female Rum Tum Tugger. The fiery red queen with a temper. Not the idiotic fool who traded ten minutes of fun for a lifetime of regret. Not the rotten cow who forced her out of her birthright and into a masked world of lies.

I'm _sorry_ I did this to you, Electra.

I'm _sorry_ that I couldn't forget about myself long enough to be a mother to you. I was born selfish, and I'll die selfish. And you'll die never knowing who your real mother is. But if you ever want to know about your father...

_Just ask Alonzo._


End file.
